A4e 13 week IAP Induction week. Day 5

Today I join my new class. Firstly, we are told that this experience is supposed to be like a job so we can practice the hard task of being on time (Not really comparable as everyone would be much more likely to be punctual for their job as they might care about that). It is apparently not designed to degrade you and treat you like a child. Then we have to sign some guidelines because yesterdays class was naughty......hmmm. One of the guidelines tells me I must inform a member of staff if I wish to go to the toilet. Yes, this must be what it's like to be treated as an equal.

Next, the people who were in yesterday are presenting their equal opportunities scenarios (which are the exact ones we did during the gateway course). I am surprised to find that the requirement mentioned earlier in the week about continued equal opportunities lessons is really just a repeat of the same material.

Later in my meeting with my new tutor, I am shocked to discover that in fact the 12 week program is actually a 4 week program which is repeated. I am astonished to learn that someone has actually approved funding for such an obviously flawed system. This is a complete rip off of the government (well, tax payer) surely.

And of course, as always, an A4e employee proves their weakness in numeracy, by working out my age from my date of birth and being 8 years out!

A4e 13 week IAP Induction week. Day 4

This morning a man from the Citizens advice bureau came to chat to us about debt. I do not want or need to talk to him, yet I am supposed to put my details on a form so that my claim can be followed up? No thank you.

We also have a visitor from an organisation that helps people start up their own business, which may be useful, if i didn't live outside their catchment area.

Finally, from 10ish until 12, we have to prepare our CVs for external jobsearch. Except for me, as I am going back to my local centre tomorrow. Well, that was a waste of busfare.

A4e 13 week IAP Induction week. Day 3

Today was mainly taken up with 'equal opportunities and diversity'. This also takes up a day of gateway. Who came up with this and called it a course?

A4e 13 week IAP Induction week. Day 2

Today, the most of the day is taken up with health and safety lectures. I don't know how watching videos of people being attacked by a bull is relevant.

Most of the afternoon is dedicated to completing a 'soft skills' questionnaire which takes about 5 minutes. It delivers the somewhat astonishing news that I am lacking in confidence. I am yet to see any reason why this induction week is necessary as I am quite sure it would have easily fit into the gateway course, after all 36% (approximately 10 hours) of that time was completely wasted.

A4e 13 week IAP Induction week. Day 1

From Monday to Thursday I am doing my induction for my 13 week IAP course at A4e at a nearish centre as my local one doesn't have the resources to do that part of it, apparently. They aren't able to tell me terms and conditions it seems. Maybe they don't know them?

I am lucky to be in a fairly small group. I am not sure how the usual group which is 3 times bigger even fits in the classroom. It's only April, yet the room is far too hot and most of the windows don't open.

Now that DWP are apparently in charge of data protection, we now have to only put a first initial and surname on our folders. Not quite sure about the reasoning behind this. Next I have the tour of the building. I am told you need a code for the doorpad to use the toilet, apparently I have to work it out for myself though. Not like the computer passwords, which for extra safety are written on the computers.

The first day consists of filling in a 'venture' booklet where you apparently list goals or something. Also, being read terms and conditions. Only half an hour before hometime does the old standby of doing a quiz to fill in time finally occur.

The impossible task of phoning my own jobcentre

Today I rang my new deal advisor for the first time. I didn't have her number and so attempted to phone my local jobcentre using the number supplied to me on a letter she sent me on tuesday. For some reason instead of allowing you to phone your local jobcentre directly, now you have to phone a switchboard first. This is what happened.

'Hello, jobcentreplus switchboard, how can I help?'
'Hello, I need to speak to my new deal advisor at ....... jobcentre'
'Ok, I'll put you through'
more ringing

'Hello, jobcentreplus switchboard, how can I help?'

3 times this happened!! More ringing, and back to the same switchboard!!! It doesn't get more efficient than that.

Last New Deal Advisor Day

No escape from being bullied into undertaking A4e 'course' 2 weeks earlier than necessary. I guess you need to feel like you have some (unearned) power as a new deal advisor. For some unfathomable reason, I have to complete one weeks induction in one centre before moving to my local one. Apparently it is impossible to miss this part as 'otherwise people wouldn't know what's expected of them and how much time off they're allowed'. I cannot understand how this can possibly warrant a 32 hours of my time. I am also seriously confused as to how my local centre can be expected to run a course if they are not even capable of the difficult task of telling me how much time I'm allowed off. Maybe they themselves don't know how they're supposed to be 'helping' me.

Oh well, given the intimidating nature of the centre I have to attend for my induction, perhaps it's part of a bigger plan to weed out the weak and intimidate them off new deal. Unemployment has to go down somehow after all.

New Deal Advisor day

Ah, the brilliant waste of time where my advisor searches endlessly to find something, anything to make me apply for. She doesn't read my diary or ask what I've applied for myself though, strange.

She is still trying to convince me to get the A4e part over with. I am still not willing to do it. The deadline when I MUST start it is in 5 weeks. Having told me that she is still trying to force me to do it in 3.

New Deal Advisor day

Different New Deal Advisor today. I tell her about my dislike of A4e, and that I have an interview. She is very excited about that and arranges for me to see my normal advisor in 2 weeks so she doesn't have to send me to A4e. I hope her finger crossing for me helps!

A4e Meeting

It seems that the first obstacle is actually finding the entrance on the unmarked building that looks derelict. I (wrongly) try the one that looks most like a reception and I am then pointed in the direction of another door. To get to the A4e reception, I walk through lots of corridors and pass approximately 10 training rooms and numerous scary looking characters. I'm pretty sure that this can't be the correct entrance to the building, as nobody would design it this way. It turns out when I am later shown out, that it is in fact the correct entrance.

Lucky me, I get to arrive during afternoon break so I get to see the other unfortunates. Still feeling rather concerned for my safety. As nobody was expecting me, I get a quite lengthy wait in reception, where I am rather amazed to spot an abandoned Financial Times.

Finally I get to meet someone from A4e. Ah, this must be when that personalised aspect of new Deal that I was assured of must come into play. Perhaps not. Instead of telling me anything about business admin, I get to fill in some forms where the expected answers don't really seem to reflect the question. For example, when asked about my career goals, I don't think 'i want a full time job' is really the same thing. I am then told that I need to give them more options for work experience than just admin. I need a second choice. I can't really think of jobs that are not office based, and admin was really already a last choice so I don't know what to suggest. It turns out that the A4e rep also has little idea. She suggests retail, which I reject, and then seems at a complete loss for some time, when she eventually thinks of cleaning. Hmm, work experience as a cleaner. I am sure that has never helped ANYBODY, expect perhaps the people getting free cleaning.

Next she decides to actually find out about me. Finally, maybe they'll realise how unhelpful they're being (I'm such an optimist). I get a form to write down my qualifications, from most recent first. She takes it, glances at the last thing I wrote and comments on my good grades. She then thinks the last thing I did was GCSEs....the LAST thing I wrote on my form. OK, maybe it was just forgetfulness, maybe she's not stupid. Then I tell her I finished my PhD in 2006. She thinks for some time and then decides this is 14, yes fourteen! years ago.

I finally escape having been bullied into putting down retail as an option for my work experience and saying I would be willing to work for minimum wage. Having seen the resources (I passed about 10 training rooms and saw only one with computers) and meeting the staff (company which claims to address their 'clients' literacy and numeracy needs should certainly look at their own staff), I am pretty sure that A4e is not in a position to help anybody, certainly not me. I am not planning on attending a course run by idiots that have somehow conned the government into funding their ridiculous scam. It looks like bullying me off jobseekers allowance is going to work as I have no intention of going somewhere which has nothing to offer me and where I am concerned for my safety. That's one way of fixing unemployment statistics I guess.

New Deal Advisor day

It's another new deal advisor day. Today I am told to go and visit A4e before my course 'to see if it's appropriate..but it's irrelevant since it's a mandatory course'. Not sure about the point of this, but it means putting of the course for another week, so it seems I'm going to a meeting to talk about what sort of business admin work experience they offer.

New Deal Advisor day

I knew the last one was too easy. It's feedback day and now I am being sent on a 13 week 'course' with A4e. For some unexplained reason, this does not seem to be held at the office where I had my gateway course. Obviously it's sensible to make me go further away so that they have to pay travel expenses. Is the business model of the jobcentre aimed at wasting the most money possible? If so, resounding success I'd say.

Oo, feedback from the inappropriate interview I got sent to (I don't need to go to an interview for a work placement for under 25s, I am on New Deal 25+). Rather patronising that they bypass me completely and send feedback to the New Deal Bully. It's not good, as I had no interest in being there and they somehow noticed my lack of admin experience. Well done them.

Having to bite my tongue rather a lot.

Awesome, this weeks job I'm being forced to apply for is online. As the internet is somehow incomprehensible to the jobcentre, it tells me to go to a website and follow the instructions to apply. Just one problem, instead of a website, it has provided an email address.

Time wasting phone call

I would save the jobcentre lots of money by not paying someone to ring people about their appointments!! Why do I suddenly need to be reminded all of the time? It's easily fixed, seeing as if you don't turn up, you don't get your money!

Interview

Why do the better answers always pop into my head in the hours AFTER the interview?

New Deal Advisor day

Another fine waste of time, as A4e haven't passed on their feedback from the 'course' yet. I feel I should probably be glad of that. Interview later, must go well!!

Pie chart of time wasted

A4e Gateway Course, Day 10

I don't really know what this day was for. Filled in 2 forms about my experience and then waited until 1pm for it to be over. Most of the day was used productively by people throwing paper aeroplanes at each other.

So my gateway course is over, and they almost convinced me I really was stupid with all their degrading, patronising efforts. But then I remembered I was being taught to write CVs and letters by someone with no teaching qualifications who gave incorrect advice about spelling and good use of english.

I have now been issued with a recommendation to complete a 13 week IAP course to continue my jobsearch, whatever that means. I assume it means I'm still to be treated like a child who could not possibly be trusted to look for a job without being watched. I actually can, and I think my A4e 'trainer' would agree as I was left to my own devices pretty much the whole time I was there. I'm glad someone had some sense, it's just a shame the jobcentre are so lacking in it.

Looking forward to next weeks meeting with the New Deal 'Advisor'. Already raising my hackles with their ridiculous courtesy call to remind me to go in.

A4e Gateway Course, Day 9, Equal Opportunties

Great start to the day. Our fake application forms weren't good enough so we all have to do them again. I just can't get enough of writing my own name. I don't think I actually handed my first one in, but I get the impression I'd have to do it again anyway, they need to fill in the time somehow.

After break, we have equal opportunities and diversity. Start with a strange exercise where we are given a scenario about a plane crash and we have to decide who gets to go in the life raft. No explanation about the point of this.

At least in the afternoon I am left alone to get on with my jobsearch. One more day!

A4e Gateway Course, Day 8, Ritual Humiliation Day

This is the day when it all goes stupid. A few minutes after arriving, we are informed that today is an 'external day'. We are being forced to print out a number of CVs and go off to spend the day visiting (harassing?) businesses and distributing them. I may not be the experts that they claim to be, but really, I am 100% certain this is not a good strategy! And what happened to not looking desperate?!!

It seems to work like this-if you are unfortunate enough to have a shop near an A4e office (or even not very near, we were kindly given bus fare to go and visit nearby towns), you can expect to get gangs of people turning up with their CVs every couple of weeks. (Most of the monkeys choose to wave their CVs around in groups.) I'm quite sure this must get very annoying. Irritating potential employers seems a rather novel approach to jobseeking, and not one that I was very keen to try.

As I didn't really want to alienate employers, I chose the slightly less degrading option of going to visit agencies (overlooking the fact that a few of them already have my cv anyway). In the end I eventually came trooping back to the office with email addresses for my 'evidence folder' (suggested evidence was a till receipt, though I'm not sure how that proves you've done anything other than go shopping).

Another completely wasted day. Still no TV presented popping out to tell me it's all a joke. Maybe that happens on Friday?

A4e Gateway Course, Day 7, Interview Techniques

The dreaded interview. I feel fully prepared now I know not to smoke before it and to dress smartly. Seriously though, this was the first day that the teaching actually did take a morning and seemed like slightly less of a waste of time. Well, in that there was teaching happening anyway. As a long term jobseeker, I have scoured every website I can find to offer me advice and examples of questions, so it didn't technically it didn't actually teach me anything.

And just when I thought they were doing so well... with the afternoon came the insistence that we all give them 5 spec letters to send out. Has this ever worked for anyone? And doesn't sending spec letters somewhat go against the advice given in the interview technique lesson of not looking too desperate!!

Finding companies in the phone book that will offer me the type of graduate work I am looking for seems a much more complicated mission than if I was looking for something like their more usual retail work. Also, that sort of company would expect more than just a letter asking about jobs, it would need a paragraph about why I chose them, surely? Why am I being treated like a child by people that know less about jobseeking than me?

A4e Gateway Course, Day 6, Application forms

Putting aside the extremely useful and productive time spent playing hangman.....
Today we looked at those scary and confusing words you might see on application forms. You know, just so I should be prepared should I ever see one, which of course I haven't in the years I've spent looking for a job. I admit, the being treated like a child is starting to grate just a teeny bit. Being given a 'trick' test that I remember being given various times at school really doesn't help. You know the one, 'read all steps carefully before doing any of them' and then the last one tells you to do nothing.

So what words might scare and confuse me? How about employee, or referee, or maybe dependants? I'm not entirely sure why a job application form would be asking about my dependants, but hey, what do I know? Our first task is to define a list of words. Then, after the answers are read out, we get a list of the exact same words along with their meanings and have to match them up. Read-time filler, because they know very well that their 'course' could be completed in a day rather than dragged across 2 weeks.


Then, to fill in the rest of the day, (well, morning, our afternoon is again free to use the internet to look for jobs) fill in an application form of course. This time for your own job choices, but with a form from a shop so that the questions are entirely irrelevant to me. I guess it's just another chance to make us write out our contact details again. 60% of the way through!! I'd be pleased, but I think the New Ordeal experience will only get worse.

A4e Gateway Course, Day 5

Today we only get a half day, yay!! Only half a wasted day! All morning is spent on job search, so sat at computers again. Then there is a working lunch, which seems very much like a normal lunch.

Halfway through the pointless course. What can possibly happen next week? Come on wishing bracelet, save me from this rubbish!!

A4e Gateway Course, Day 4, Job descriptions

This morning we are being tested on our ability to identify 'confusing' words or phrases on job adverts. Guess there wasn't any point to that literacy test then. The first one, seriously, is 'application form'. Come on!! When is the tv presenter going to come out and tell me this is all a joke?

Next, our group looks at fake job descriptions and identify what qualities it is asking for in applicants, and what are hidden qualities. We then write our own job ad. I am not convinced that this is a skill I am in need of as I am not an employer, I am a jobseeker.

In a useful end to the morning, the all important general knowledge quiz!!

Finally, our afternoon is spent on computers, doing my same jobsearch as I would at home.
4 wasted days now.

A4e Gateway Course, Day 3 Cover Letters

Firstly, I know how to write letters, and always accompany my applications with a cover letter. But today I get actual teaching. The cover letter theory lesson. Half an hour is spent signing in and ordering lunch. Then finally!! As a group, we found errors in a fake cover letter. It turns out that spelling mistakes are bad. We then have to make up our own cover letter for our own made up job. Useful. Male dominated group, you can probably guess what sort of jobs were applied for.

Finally, we are instructed to write our own spec letter. We are given a sheet with some examples of opening statements. And that is my useful morning. In the afternoon we are set free on computers again to type up letters and job search. 3 wasted days so far!

A4e Gateway Course, Day 2, CVs

Arrive at 9am today. Armed with my CV on disk, as I was told yesterday, I am being a good student. First, I get to do the very exciting literacy test. I admit, I am quietly confident about that one. I then get to join the rest of the gang, who are in the teaching room writing out their CVs by hand. Not convinced that this is entirely necessary. Also, a glaring oversight comes to mind. I am starting new deal. Therefore I must have been looking for a job for long time. Why am I on a course to teach me about CVs? I obviously have a CV already, why would they even think there was a possibility that I didn't? How did the jobcentre think I was applying for all of those jobs that I told them about?! Surely this course should be what you do when you first sign on if you need help.

12 o clock, almost lunchtime, and some people are now being allowed to go to the computer room to type up what they've just written. Wow, I was starting to think the computers were just plastic boxes there for show. One o clock, I get to upload my CV finally, for a trainer to look at it. A quick perusal and it seems to be fine. I am now allowed to do use the resources to look for jobs, yay! The rest of my day is spent online looking at the exact same jobs websites as I would have done at home (yesterday). I am starting to think this is a waste of my time.

A4e Gateway Course, Day 1, Induction

Arrive late, due to morning being wasted by JobCentre Advisor. On arrival, I am handed a basic numeracy test and told I have half an hour until tea break. I have a scientific degree & doctorate! Quite bemused by this personally tailored approach to helping me that my New Deal Bully described. Very glad when tea break finally arrives. And what useful thing comes for the final part of the afternoon? What thing that will help me get a job that I just hadn't thought of before? A general knowledge quiz! Now that is thinking outside of the box! One whole day wasted where the jobcentre is actively stopping me looking for jobs!

Day of interview

No, she is that useless. I am being interviewed for a project I read about, which is for under 25s. One morning wasted by New Deal.

Interview!

An invitation to an interview on Monday!! From a jobcentre application form too. This is rather suspicious, I have applied for many admin jobs without being strong-armed into it by the jobcentre, and have never had any success before. First job is to ring my course and tell them I will be late on Monday. This is made more difficult by the bungling jobcentre giving me the wrong phone number. Starting to find their ineptitude quite amusing.

Next, preparing for interview. First port of call, the company's website. Now alarm bells are ringing, they seem to mainly run projects for young people (i.e. under 25) and arrange work placements for young people. Has my New Deal Bully actually made me apply for a work placement rather than a job? Would she not have told me? Would she not have noticed that my being on New Deal 25+ indicates, somewhat obviously, that I am over 25? Could really do with that job description now. I will assume, despite mounting evidence to the contrary, that she is not so useless.

Nondescript Job description

Must apply for job to satiate New Deal Bully/Advisor. She hasn't bothered to give me a job description, does she know nothing about jobseeking? Oh yes, never mind. Guess admin job will want good communication skills and IT skills, might as well just fill in form, hardly any space to write anything anyway.

New ordeal - first meeting.

It finally happened. It had been stalking me for a while, and now NEW DEAL has attacked. Stupid lying wishing bracelet. So, will this be the day the jobcentre finally changes my mind about its general incompetence? Doubtful. Today is the first meeting with the evil that is the New Deal Advisor. At this point all I know is that she has failed to spell my name correctly on my letter. I also appreciated the patronising phone call to remind me about the stupid meeting. Clearly I couldn't be trusted to go to that one despite managing to make it to every other meeting with them in the last couple of years.

First Meeting

And so to the meeting itself. Straight to business, the authoritarian (and patronising, of course, it is the jobcentre after all) stance of New Deal is quickly established. Weirdly, despite the obvious opinion that I am very stupid, there is very little information about what I can actually expect from New Deal. My booklet also offers no information but does mention words such as choice, something that is very much ignored by the Advisor.

Jobseekers agreement

The first important job is to change my jobseekers agreement. Clearly my own job choices are ridiculous, so need to be removed entirely. I am then left with 2, (I don't know why I'm not allowed 3, it has 3 boxes for job choices. I can only assume it's because she needs to demean me she knows she can't actually help me.) Excellent, and what realistic job choice has she chosen for me? Admin. Of course. Perfect for me, as I have no admin experience. Can't think why I never thought of it before. (It could be because on sites where it tells you how many people have applied for a job, admin positions are always in the hundreds? Hmm, if was an employer and had, say 200 applicants, would I go for the overqualified person with no admin experience?) My other existing job choice was chosen by another jobcentre monkey, so is allowed yay. Excellent, so my goals are set super high, so glad I spent so many years at University now. Well, at least she hasn't suggested retail....Damn.

Job Search

Right, now we have a realistic job choice, on to job search. After some searching, she finally finds me something to apply for, and with a jobcentre application form-the first application form I've ever seen which doesn't allow you to put dates in it. Also, the first time I've had to fill in a job application form BY HAND, ever! And just to make sure I know that she thinks I'm just stupid and lazy, she feels the need to add a paragraph to my agreement stating that I MUST apply for all jobs she gives me. Ok, I would've done anyway, but message duly noted.

The Course

This is the bit where she explains New Deal, sort of. All I really learn from this is that I have to do a 2 week course with A4e. I will have some sort of support from them in contacting employers and they will obviously fix me or something to that effect. If I somehow don't have a job by then, New Deal Advisor is making me do a work placement.

So, half an hour of being patronised, and all I know is I'm doing a course, which I naturally have full faith in. Best get that wishing bracelet fixed.