A4e 13 week IAP Induction week. Day 5

Today I join my new class. Firstly, we are told that this experience is supposed to be like a job so we can practice the hard task of being on time (Not really comparable as everyone would be much more likely to be punctual for their job as they might care about that). It is apparently not designed to degrade you and treat you like a child. Then we have to sign some guidelines because yesterdays class was naughty......hmmm. One of the guidelines tells me I must inform a member of staff if I wish to go to the toilet. Yes, this must be what it's like to be treated as an equal.

Next, the people who were in yesterday are presenting their equal opportunities scenarios (which are the exact ones we did during the gateway course). I am surprised to find that the requirement mentioned earlier in the week about continued equal opportunities lessons is really just a repeat of the same material.

Later in my meeting with my new tutor, I am shocked to discover that in fact the 12 week program is actually a 4 week program which is repeated. I am astonished to learn that someone has actually approved funding for such an obviously flawed system. This is a complete rip off of the government (well, tax payer) surely.

And of course, as always, an A4e employee proves their weakness in numeracy, by working out my age from my date of birth and being 8 years out!

A4e Meeting

It seems that the first obstacle is actually finding the entrance on the unmarked building that looks derelict. I (wrongly) try the one that looks most like a reception and I am then pointed in the direction of another door. To get to the A4e reception, I walk through lots of corridors and pass approximately 10 training rooms and numerous scary looking characters. I'm pretty sure that this can't be the correct entrance to the building, as nobody would design it this way. It turns out when I am later shown out, that it is in fact the correct entrance.

Lucky me, I get to arrive during afternoon break so I get to see the other unfortunates. Still feeling rather concerned for my safety. As nobody was expecting me, I get a quite lengthy wait in reception, where I am rather amazed to spot an abandoned Financial Times.

Finally I get to meet someone from A4e. Ah, this must be when that personalised aspect of new Deal that I was assured of must come into play. Perhaps not. Instead of telling me anything about business admin, I get to fill in some forms where the expected answers don't really seem to reflect the question. For example, when asked about my career goals, I don't think 'i want a full time job' is really the same thing. I am then told that I need to give them more options for work experience than just admin. I need a second choice. I can't really think of jobs that are not office based, and admin was really already a last choice so I don't know what to suggest. It turns out that the A4e rep also has little idea. She suggests retail, which I reject, and then seems at a complete loss for some time, when she eventually thinks of cleaning. Hmm, work experience as a cleaner. I am sure that has never helped ANYBODY, expect perhaps the people getting free cleaning.

Next she decides to actually find out about me. Finally, maybe they'll realise how unhelpful they're being (I'm such an optimist). I get a form to write down my qualifications, from most recent first. She takes it, glances at the last thing I wrote and comments on my good grades. She then thinks the last thing I did was GCSEs....the LAST thing I wrote on my form. OK, maybe it was just forgetfulness, maybe she's not stupid. Then I tell her I finished my PhD in 2006. She thinks for some time and then decides this is 14, yes fourteen! years ago.

I finally escape having been bullied into putting down retail as an option for my work experience and saying I would be willing to work for minimum wage. Having seen the resources (I passed about 10 training rooms and saw only one with computers) and meeting the staff (company which claims to address their 'clients' literacy and numeracy needs should certainly look at their own staff), I am pretty sure that A4e is not in a position to help anybody, certainly not me. I am not planning on attending a course run by idiots that have somehow conned the government into funding their ridiculous scam. It looks like bullying me off jobseekers allowance is going to work as I have no intention of going somewhere which has nothing to offer me and where I am concerned for my safety. That's one way of fixing unemployment statistics I guess.